I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Alive.
So much puke
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
