just tell him i said nine months
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
