About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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