You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
