So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
