that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
