i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
