i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
