look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
