Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
