She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
