Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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