we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
