Your mouth is God's brothel.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
