he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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