My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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