and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
