ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
