I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
