Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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