his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
