Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
