Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
