shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
