yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
