Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
