google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
