I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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