my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
