strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
