as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
