do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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