nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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