Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
