1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
