Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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