Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
