I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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