the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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