I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
