Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
