I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
