I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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