I think I died a long time ago.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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