I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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