She's JV to your varsity
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
