so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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