There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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