I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
