I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
