so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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