At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
