i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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