So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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