If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
