just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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