I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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