Dual....:-)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
two words...techno handjob
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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