saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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