I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
