Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
