Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
